Say, you’ve been dating this amazing guy for months now. He seems great and not to mention, you have plenty of things in common. However, as you go deep into the relationship with this man, something feels a bit off about him.
Perhaps, he avoids emotional conversations or talks a lot about his interests but never cares to ask about yours. This apparent lack of emotional investment can make you wonder whether he’s even in love with you. Emotionally unavailable men tend to struggle in relationships, often choose to date casually, and keep a safe distance.
Can you spend your whole life with emotionally unavailable men? Supposed that’s not what you hope for in the future. In that case, you need to recognize the signs of emotional unavailability early on to avoid getting trapped in a relationship you don’t deserve.
So, how do you know? Here are the telltale signs of an emotionally unavailable person.
1. You Don’t Know Where You Stand.
You’ve been dating this person for several months now, met each other’s friends, and have great chemistry. But, it seems like the relationship is going nowhere that you don’t know where you stand in his life. You feel that he has no intentions to turn whatever you have now into a long-term relationship.
An emotionally unavailable person prefers to keep things casual and doesn’t want to make a serious commitment with any woman. You’ll hear him say things like:
- “Things are going well, why do we still need to put a label on it?”
- “Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend sounds too cliche.”
- “I’m not dating anyone else, isn’t that enough?”
- “Can’t we just have fun and see where this goes?”
These are his ways of letting you know that he’s more than happy to keep things exactly as they are now. So even if you want to take the relationship to the next level, he can’t give you that.
2. You Feel Stuck.
Most relationships with emotionally unavailable men start off fast because this is the best way avoidant men can win over women. They try to make a connection by sending frequent messages and romantic gestures that make you fall head over heels for him.
Although the things he does make you feel butterflies in your stomach, none of it involves emotional intimacy. Emotionally unavailable people create the illusion of intimacy to win you over without opening their hearts to you.
This is why, once the honeymoon phase ends, you feel stuck. All you know is that he was so into you at the beginning, but now you feel bad because of his indifference.
3. He’s Defensive of His Emotions.
An emotionally unavailable man is difficult to read. You don’t know what he thinks or feels for you because he won’t talk and open up with you. He does have feelings, but he isn’t comfortable sharing them. Perhaps at a young age, he learned that being emotionally available can hurt you badly.
The more you try to reach out to talk, the more he avoids. It’s hard to form a deep connection with your partner if he keeps you at a safe distance and can’t offer emotional availability.
4. He’s Passive and Doesn’t Reciprocate Efforts.
For an emotionally unavailable man, their big effort is being in a relationship with you. They’re well aware that things may get serious if they continue to make efforts, and they don’t want that.
They fall into obvious behavior patterns, such as:
- They stop reaching out.
- They stop making plans.
- They stop making you feel like a priority.
So you start to feel like you’re forced to do all the work to maintain the relationship because once you stop, you know it’ll fall apart. You keep going, even though it’s draining you, and you’re not getting much love and attention in return. Emotionally unavailable men always put themselves first, which is why you’ll always finish in second.
5. He’s Never Emotionally Intimate With You.
An emotionally unavailable partner always prefers having sex over being open about their emotions. That’s because being physically intimate with another person is easy and doesn’t leave him vulnerable.
However, a relationship based on sex is not a relationship at all. You’re never talking about what’s real, like feelings, hopes, dreams — your future together. Whenever you try to get closer or bring up a conversation, he will either withdraw or argue and tell you that you’re too emotional and demanding.
You Deserve the Same Love That You Give
For emotionally unavailable men, the expression of emotions is a sign of weakness. But it’s not. According to dating expert Evan Marc Katz, “You’re only as needy as your unmet needs.” Dating men who fear intimate feelings and relationships will only make you anxious, needy and ruin your mental health.
Face the fact that since your emotionally unavailable partner shuts and avoids emotion, he will always assume that you do the same. While you may want to take your relationship to the next level, he has no plans to go long-term and even think about marriage. It’s an unhealthy way for a great woman to live, and you should never have to put up with such treatment.